My Evolution

My Evolution




I have built up these walls

These barriers

In an attempt to

Protect

And conceal

What is sacred…ME.



I have created these doubts

These fears

Given them names

And deemed them truth

All in the attempt

To protect

Blissful ignorance and denial.



I have silenced

That inner voice

That gut feeling

That nagging sensation that keeps

Tearing at the very fabric of my entire DNA..



And..



I



Am tired.





I am so FUCKIN' tired!

Forgive the profane

“oh behave” some say

But im so damn tired of fooling myself…



So tired of abusing

My health

And wealth

And sanity!



All for the sake of “normalcy” and comfort

but at this point,

It no longer feels worth it!



And when I say it no longer feels worth it,

I will not spend another moment

I will not take another breathe

Until MY wounds

And MY heart

Has been healed to the depths of my soul!



At one point I was whole



But after getting caught up in "survival mode"

Along the way I somehow

Lost parts of I.



And so,



I



lay



prostrate



In great wait



No debating it is so clear to me now.



Never too late to start again

I transcend



I let go



I forgive

go withIN!



No more fears.

I trust ME now

more

than

ever.



And I anticipate

With no resistance



MY EVOLUTION.



Copyright Helen Marie May 2010



PEACE loves YOU INSPIRE ME!! :)

We Need You

WE NEED YOU

We need you.

Not like air

Cuz that you cannot give.

But we need you there like,

Strong arms to carry

That which our shoulders cannot bear

Like…

KNOWLEDGE.

Not to be mistaken for college

We need your innate knowings

That stems from growing up in situations unfit for a king but,

STILL!...

The way you navigate

And make your way towards the top

Nothing can stop you

HOW?

Sometimes I wonder just how could we make it without you?

You be the perfect depiction

GOD reflection is all I see

Kings you BE.

NEVER a “was”

Cuz even tho cousins

And uncle’s

And daddy’s

And brothas forget.

Your remembrance has nothing to do with who you are.

I said your REMEMBRANCE has nothing to do with WHO you ARE.

So even for those

Who don’t know

It’s not too late..

And even if time has passed

The great "dictate" over time and space

Really proves nothing,

Because even if

Decades and centuries have passed

Your bloodline still outlasts

Slavery, the civil rights movement,

And the current situation at hand

You

will always

BE

The original prototype

We <3>

Black Man!

And so like I said,

We need you…

We: Mother, Daughter, Sister Wife.

We need you to do more than survive,

We need you to fight!

We need you to build

We need you to create

We need you to unite and take back what HAS ALWAYS BEEN OURS!

Sun, Moon Stars

We are STILL connected

Queens, heirs to the throne,

Waiting for

YOUR resurrection,

ARISE and come home!

Peace and Love~ Helen Marie Copyright May 2010

That Thing

What is that thing?
U know
That thing that you are just dying to do
Dying so fast
Cuz ur just WAITING to live to see the day that it is real?
What is that passion?
I mean that passion that u can not muzzle
U cannot control
And the more u attempt
The heavier the load
And burden
What is that call?
That call that wakes u up
3’oclock in the morning
Just provoking u to CHANGE
And TRUST
And Become?
What is that dream?
That dream that u have forgotten
In ur adult years
When “responsibility”
“reason” and “logic”
All became best friends and interrupted ur plans by saying
”time to grow up, and be realistic”

Have u identified it yet??
U know…
That THING?
Because if so that is the thing
U should so passionately be pursuing
U should be chasing ur dreams and pursuing ur purpose
As if ur LIFE depended on it..
Because guess what..
It does!

And not just yours,
Because, whether u know it or not…
The joke is sorta on u,
It is NOT all about u.
Your existence plays a part
In a bigger scheme of things
That transcends all your titles
Ur house
ur car
And your “fancy degree”
THAT IS NOT WHO YOU ARE.

That is what u HAVE
But WHY u are here is a totally different thing
And like I said
If is beyond u.

There are others…waiting.

They are waiting for u to wake up one day
Kick ur fears ass
and re claim ur inheritance

there are those waiting
in trenches
and projects
who have no strength
or direction
no guide
and you are the answer!

I’m not saying u have to be perfect
But perfection is found in your choice to evolve!

There is nothing “safe” and admirable” about you not being your SELF.
You were born to make a mark
In the history of this world
So…

I know that this might have come
At an “inconvenient” time in ur life…
Maybe u just got that promotion at the job that you HATE,
Or maybe u just "hit the lotto"
Or just wait….

Let me guess,
U feel “it’s too late”…right?

Well…

If u choose
To stay sleep
I assure u
No one will blame u.
And if ur ok with only using 10% of your brain then..
Goodnight.
But just know
That "THING"
it still exists.
and will forever patiently waiting
for that right time
when you will
embrace it.

I'm Ready...

Good morning LOVE!
Its been a while
Actually,
I can admit
That I don’t think we’ve ever formally met.

I mean
I have spent years,
Claiming to know you
like one of those facebook buddies
I chat with occasionally,
But never in real life..

Yea
that’s been you and I’s connection
But today…
today we meet in person.
Today I introduce myself
As Helen Marie
THIS is me!
Naked and bare
With no make-up
And picked out hair
I’ll admit
I’m naïve
And gullible when it comes to knowing who you are
So I ask…
Please be patient
And please OVERstand
My ignorance.
I hope u empathize with me
cause cee
I
Just
Want
To know
What real love is…
I just want to feel
Like a kid in a candy shop
No budget
No limits
im all in
this time…
if I could,
I’d buy back time
and remind myself
that you have ALWAYS existed
but TODAY I am lifted
off my feet
defying gravity
I leap
Off the mountain
Into the sea
Even tho
I can’t swim and I’m
so
scared
of YOU!
But truth is…
I’m more scared of not knowing
who
you
ARE.
So…
I
Step out on the water
Look forward
And take ur hand
I
Understand
That maybe
This love thing might not go exactly
As I’ve planned but…
I’m open,
Faith steady…
Feet grounded
I’m ready…
For LOVE.


Copywrite February 15, 2010

Forsaken Queendom

I neglect my Crown sometimes…
And bow down
To trivialities,
And nonsense
I need not
even consider!
I mean,
I aim straight
And push hard
My heart’s guard sometimes however,
gets weak.
and fear creeps
I'm wise but there have been times..
I've been SO not the queen
I was BORN to BEcome...
Yes I’ve been dumb
Blind and ignorant
Spent time repentin
but finally I'm getting closer



(the sin in life, Is to know to do better, but not do it)
See I KNEW it
I’ve known it
I ve proved it and showed it to many
But sometimes…
I
myself
have lost INsight
 my soul fights
The inner truth
That higher me
Telling me
“ Don’t believe the fallacies, block out all the pharasees.."
I hear that constantly,
steadingly
as a
reminder
I’m chosen
curse
broken
still toting
more love to give…

 neglect my crown
And bow down
To trivialities
And nonsense that royalty
Should not even consider!
But…
faith it keeps growing
my peace
rests in knowing
my birthright
and lineage
Can never be broken
So I wait
For the day
And aim to maintain
My sovereignty
Its calling me
I hear it….

I Stay Awake!

This night is different…

For some reason

Sleep seems like the enemy

Cause if I sleep

I just might miss out on ceeing the light.

And so I fight thru

Fatigue

And routine bedtimes

I resist my mind’s desire

To just

stay

sleeping…

Sleeping

When my spirit says

Stay awake

STAY AWAKE!!!

Even when the illusion

Seems so real u can taste it

Eat it

Shit it

I can FEEL it

But yet deep down I know

It’s all a dream

And so I SCREAM at the top of my lungs

Telepathically.

Helen REMEMBER WHO U ARE!!

Remember what is truth!

Truth is…

This matrix called “The American Dream”

Is the greatest convincer

Pretender

Straight up blasphemer!

It has most

Sleep walking

Waiting for a hero

They don’t know

All they literally have to do

Is just WAKE UP!!!

So for them

I STAY UP!

I’ve got my chai tea

My honey

Pen and this paper

Im safer awake then asleep

Cause my eye is focused!

On re-writing their vision

I want to envision

The vision

That will cause blind eyes to see.

I want to write the love story

That makes deaf ears believe.

I want to sing a song that transcends

Intelligence

So that even the “dumb” can comprehend

Every note!

I

just

want

to

STAY AWAKE!

To be honest

I don’t ever want to sleep again!

I am quite fine with manipulating time and space

Energized off of Love

And TRUTH and WISDOM

Sleeping just has become

So DAMN overrated!

CEE I hate it!

Sleepers won’t understand this

They’ll label me insane

But reality BE with the divine ones

they too think and move the same as I.

I

kiss the sky

Reflecting the sun

Stay stargazing

Til kingdom come

And I’m awake

This all is real

No

I’m not dreaming!

I’m ceeing…

Tonight.

I Write...

They say don’t cast your pearls to swine…
So I
Have decided to now
Be more choosy with these lyrics!
It
Is
My sincerest desire,
To ignite the fire within.
To light YOUR torch
That will pave YOUR way
I say YOU
Because I understand
The U- IN-I-verse.

See I don’t
Utilize thoughts of fear
I live abundant!
I expect the best!
Every test
Inches me closer,
To more blessings.
I press…
And I press…
My tongue
Against
Teeth
To speak LIFE.
I like Christ
Speak to the dead
And I say LIVE!
The enemy is fear
And ignorance’ his kid but…
Like I said…
They say
Don’t cast your pearls to swine
So I am in search
In constant awakening
Mistaken in part
By those who don’t even know themselves!
My wealth of knowledge,
Wisdom,
And Understanding,
Surpasses college
And “book smart”
Art I not the most beautiful of creation?
The name Queen’s BEEN taken!
Im makin it my duty
My purpose
My mission
To mention
How deep this thing called life
Can really get!
I set out
To seek truth
And in return
Gain peace of mind
I knocked,
The door swung open
And the love I receive
It transcends time
And space
I place all responsibility
Of knowledge heard
On the ears of those
Who hear these words
Cuz like I said
They say don’t cast pearls to swine
And so if ur reading this
I hope
that you’re Divine
or at least open
to the light
I think
I see
I write for US.

Copywrite January 2010